Our relationships can shape us, our views of the world, and our views of ourselves.

If we're not careful (especially when we're young or in a time of low self-esteem) we can let subtle hints from others about our appearance shape how we view our beauty for the rest of our lives.

As I've gotten older, I've become a firm believer that no one should have a say in how we chose to care for our bodies and our appearance, as long as we do so in a healthy way.

I personally have experienced subtle criticism that affected me for years.

Quite often in my corrective skincare practice, my clients will share with me that their boyfriends, siblings, or parents critique their appearance in a way that does not make them feel loved or free to be exactly as they are.

This, my friends, in my opinion, is a bunch of bull!

Which is why I made THIS audio recording about some things to think about if someone is picking on your appearance. *

It's entitled No Man Should Tell You To Get A Tan, but the thoughts here apply to any partner (male or female). They also apply to other people in roles in your life that we'd all assume would have your back. The message applies to the topics of changing your skin color, adjusting your weight, or altering your appearance in any way for the sake of another. 

If you have a partner, friends, or family members that hint at or even flat out say that you, as you are, are in some way not good enough, that you need to change to be more acceptable, or that your appearance is more important than your health, I want you to know that just because they say it, it doesn't mean it's true.

If it's your own self talk that's making you feel like you need to change something that is inherently natural to you, it may be time to asses and make an overhaul of the words you use about yourself and the importance you place on your external appearance vs. your internal health & well being. 

Here's a script to say if these things ever come up for you.

"I understand that (insert their desire or request. i.e tan skin, perfect abs, an ass for days, etc) is really popular now and I can see how by noticing this everywhere it would start to seemingly become more "normal" to have than not. 

However, at this time in my life I'm working on practicing more self acceptance and I'd really appreciate your support.

Focusing on changing my external appearance right now isn't really in line with that goal, so I'm going to hold off on (insert desired action &/or activity) and work towards increasing feeling more comfortable in my own skin, just as I am."

Now, I'm aware that a few things may happen after sharing this or something like it...

1. They may look at you with a glossed over stare as if you just said the most foreign thing to them.

2. They may laugh, because boundary setting hasn't been your jam thus far and they aren't quite sure what to do with the new, self assured you.

3. They may say, "Oh wow! I never meant to insinuate you weren't already beautiful, and amazing, and awesome. Because you are! I totally understand and I want to help!

Even though our conversations may not go impeccably well every time we stand up for ourselves in life, I think it's best to go into every communication and interaction with others assuming that it will go positively. 

So let's do that with this talk too!

It's also a great way to start a dialogue about getting the love and support you need in your life. These things are important to have in a support system, and if you don't feel like you're getting that, now's as good of time as any to start asking for what you need. I particularly like talking thru the "not so big deals" before getting into the deeper stuff. And I think we can all agree that the conversation of, "to tan or not to tan", shouldn't raise too much of a ruckus with your loved ones as you create less opportunity for them to pick on you.

"But what if I love to tan?"

I used to be a former tanning addict. I know how intense the desire to tan can be & research shows that it can actually trigger a chemical reaction in the brain that can create an addiction to it. 

So many people think it's essential to look slimmer, taller, and more "healthy". 

But, did you know that there's actually no such thing as a healthy tan? 

Say what?! 

Nope. A tan is actually the first sign that damage is taking place in our skin. The browning of our pigment cells is part of our body's protective mechanism to darken up and create a shading effect over the DNA contained within our cells (almost like an an umbrella). 

But once this process kicks in, we know that damage has already begun.

Once the skin starts turing brown, we know we've been exposed to enough UV rays to start damaging our DNA, or collagen & elastin, and do you know what that means...wrinkles! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But the damage to those parts of our skin that take place now typically start showing up in the late 20s and really make an impact on our in our late 30's, 40's and beyond. Think fine lines, wrinkles, brown spots, scaly patches, and redness that just won't go away.

I know it's a challenge for many to accept their natural skin color in a world where so many people with darker skin want to bleach it, and so many with lighter skin want to bake it and dye it. 

But, darling, I want you to know that you, just as you are, you're just fine. Your skin in it's natural state is too! You don't have to change it just because it's what everyone has been doing for decades. You don't have to age prematurely and you don't have to run the risk of getting a disease. In fact, please don't run the risk of getting a disease. #skincancersucks

My 18 year old self, would scoff at these words, as 18 year olds rarely care about aging or skin cancer. But I'm happy my views have shifted & as a now pale person (who didn't know I was pale until in Aesthetics school & I stopped tanning) I hope to show that sticking with your natural skin color can keep the aging process at bay and having fair skin isn't horribly hideous like some people like to think that it is.  

What Next? 

Be on the look out for another article I'll be sharing soon that's all about how to have fabulous looking skin this summer...get this...without a tan. Gasp! 

It IS possible and I want to teach you how. 

You may also want to sign up for email updates at the bottom of this page, because I'll also be sharing about "What A Healthy View Of Beauty Actually Is". A topic that I think is absolutely essential & incredibly under discussed.

So, tell me, have you ever been pressured to change your appearance by someone who was "supposed" have your best interest and love you for you (not your skin color, breast size, or shape of your thighs?)

If so, I'm sure it didn't feel so good. 

What did you do? Did you come up with a healthy way of letting them know that you were good without the change? Or did you internalize their words & feel a little icky about the interaction? 

In the comments below, I'd love to know if you have any encouraging words for someone else who's appearance is getting picked on by a loved one. 

If you know anyone who would benefit from these words, please share it with them. Us ladies need to stick together, build each other up, and remind ourselves that we're a-ok.

In the meantime, be well & remember...

You matter and you are loved!

Sending you big virtual hugs (or fist bumps to the non-touchy-feely types), 

Licensed Aesthetician

Professional Makeup Artist

Brow Design Expert

Health & Happiness Encourager for Busy Women in Business

Creator of the remarkably effective skincare & makeup line, Breanna Thomas HEALTHY SKIN AND BEAUTY

Owner of the boutique skincare clinic, Healthy Skin AZ 

Founder of the BEAUTIFULLY BRAVE SOCIETY (coming soon) 

*Note: In the recording I mentioned skin cancer being a leading cause of death in women. I was wrong. The CDC (Center For Disease Control and Prevention) website's annual statistics for new cases & deaths in the year 2013 (most recent data available) states that the leading causes of death in women are Lung Cancer, Colorectal Cancer, and Breast Cancer. However, the rate of melanoma diagnoses and deaths from it are still scarily high. At the time of this writing the most recent CDC stats on melanoma are these: 

• 71,943 people in the United States were diagnosed with melanomas of the skin, including 42,430 men and 29,513 women.*†
• 9,394 people in the United States died from melanomas of the skin, including 6,239 men and 3,155 women

A few weeks ago I just watch a good friend get surgery for melanoma in situ (the best type of the worst type of skin cancer). She had to go back 4 times in one week & the size of the hole they cut out of her back was enough to make my stomach drop - and I've cleaned out pimples without so much as a flinch for the last 15 years.

Trust me when I say that YOU DON'T WANT TO MESS AROUND WITH SKIN CANCER! It's not worth it, ladies! No matter how slim it makes your legs look, or how superficially happy having perfectly bronzed skin makes anyone in your life - even you. 

#getsoffsoapbox

Also, I'm new the whole recording audio thing & have yet to find the perfect microphone. Forgive the windy noises in a few spots. Please and thank you!